He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
