the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
