He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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