I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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