Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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