just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
