I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest