i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
