I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
