whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
