nut hugger
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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