I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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