I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
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smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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