She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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