I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
