i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
