So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
