I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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