Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
