I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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