My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize