I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
