I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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