I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
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The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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