sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
