I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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