that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
