how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
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