Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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