when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
