apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
