She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
