some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
