Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
