Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
