I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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