Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
