just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
