that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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