After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
