just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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