I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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