It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
