Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
