**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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