I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I smell like Dick and happiness
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
