Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
