party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
