I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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