Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
