I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
