dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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