i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
