I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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