Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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