I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
