Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
