I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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