You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
