Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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