I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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