I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
