remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
