That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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