I wanna passion pit in your ass
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
