can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
