I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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