no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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